Making Connections
How
to create rapport with anyone in under 30 seconds
Copyright
© JC Mowatt Seminars Inc.
Used
with permission of the author:
Author: Jeff Mowatt
From the series Influence with Ease ®
http://www.jeffmowatt.com
23
March 2007
We all know
the power of first impressions. How people perceive us during the
first few seconds of an encounter has a major influence on whether
they will trust us, be attracted to us, or want to do business
with us. To create a
positive first impression, we need to know how to connect
immediately with others regardless of their age, gender, ethnic
background, mood, or the situation.
Let’s begin
by testing your “first impression awareness.”
What would you think of the waiter in the following
situation? You’re
having a business lunch with a potential client.
She’s telling you about what she doesn’t like about her
current supplier. You’re thinking, “This stuff is gold -
please keep talking.” Suddenly, the waiter comes in and starts
his canned speech, “My name’s Mike, I’ll be your waiter.
And how are you today? Today’s specials are...”
Chances are,
your first impression of the waiter would be negative. In fact,
that waiter’s speech is
a great example of what not to
do when meeting someone for the first time.
Ironically, he was probably doing just what he was told to
do.
Unfortunately,
most managers don’t provide competent training for their
employees on how to establish rapport.
Huge mistake - as we see in the waiter example. Instead,
employees are given a script to read.
Franchise operations love scripts.
They think that this “systematic” approach to dealing
with customers is their greatest strength - which is true.
It’s also their greatest weakness.
The problem
with the canned script approach is that the customer recognizes a
script, senses that the employee has no genuine feeling or empathy
with what the customer really needs, and therefore does not trust
(or in the case of our waiter even like)
the employee.
Instead of
canned speeches, use a thirty second technique that generates
trust, feelings of empathy, and makes people want to do business
with you. Unfortunately,
there’s been a lot of misleading information out there about
this method. Let’s
get the real story about how and why you can get such phenomenal
results when you properly use technique known as mirroring.
The
Mirroring Technique
Mirroring is
based on the assumption that we tend to feel comfortable with
people who communicate non
verbally the way we do. In
other words, we are drawn to people when their body language
(gestures, tone of voice, facial expressions, eye contact,
dress, and so on) is similar to ours.
“Forget canned speeches.
They have as much appeal as over-used pick-up lines
in singles bars.”
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By the same
token, we tend to be “turned off “ by people who’s non
verbal language is different than ours.
For example, if you are engaged in a quiet conversation
with a friend at a party, you will probably perceive the person
whose loud, boisterous voice bellows in the background, as being
obnoxious.
The great
news is we are in control of our non verbal communication.
So to create rapport with others instantly, we merely need
to “mirror” their non-verbal communication.
That means if the other person talks softly, then you talk
more softy. If they
lean forward, then you lean forward. If they talk quickly then you
do the same. In other
words, you ‘mirror’ the other person’s tone of voice and
body language. The
only exception is when they are angry. In that situation, you
wouldn’t mirror anger; you’d instead
mirror concern.
In the case
of our waiter, if he’d been trained with the mirroring
technique, he wouldn’t have started talking until his customers
ceased their conversation and made eye contact with him. Then he
would mirror the seriousness of the mood they conveyed, skip the
opening canned speech, get directly to the point and ask something
like, “Something to drink?”
In this case his customers would have appreciated the
waiters businesslike approach and felt good about their choice of
restaurant.
There are a
few things to keep in mind though when we use mirroring.
First, mirroring does not mean “mimicking.”
So, if the other person is sitting with arms folded across
their chest, you may have
yours crossed on your lap. Don’t
mirror the person exactly; just similarly. That prevents people
from thinking they’re being imitated.
It may come
as a relief to know that you don’t have to mirror the other
person for longer then a few moments.
Once they become comfortable with you,
you can actually start leading
the nonverbal communication, and then they’ll start
following you. So if
you have a friend who’s tired or listless you need to start the
conversation in a low slow manner.
After a few minutes, you gradually pick up the tempo. Your
friend will feel so comfortable with you, they’ll naturally do
the same. This is
great news particularly if you interact with lots of people.
Mirroring is
easy and it works. When
you use it properly, you’ll improve the impression you make on
virtually anyone - regardless of their mood or the situation.
You’ll also experience the personal satisfaction of
making a stranger feel comfortable.
That’s when you begin making truly important connections.
This
article is based on the critically acclaimed book Becoming a
Service Icon in 90 Minutes a Month, by customer service strategist
and professional speaker Jeff Mowatt. To obtain
your own copy of his book or to inquire about engaging Jeff for
your team, visit http://www.jeffmowatt.com
or call 1.800.JMowatt (566.9288).
Jeff
Mowatt B.Comm. CSP, is a customer service strategist who
consults, lectures, and writes on the topic Influence
with Ease®. He is the
author the critically acclaimed book Becoming a Service Icon in
90 Minutes a Month.
Jeff's
insights are the culmination of over 25 years of experience and
consulting with dozens of corporations. An award winning
communicator, his first series of "Influence with Ease®"
articles has been featured in over 200 business journals. For an
overview of these publications and more information about Jeff's
work as a business advisor click http://www.jeffmowatt.com.
Short summary
Nonverbal communication supports building relationship with
customers and employees.
Keywords and relevant phrases
Communication, connection, imitation, mimicking, mirroring
technique, mood, nonverbal communication.
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